sovereign

one time.. two time..
enough is enough…
i guess i got knocked so many times in the head that i’ve become so silly..
silly me… always hoping.
i would love to be optimistic cause i was told that if a person wants something bad enough, it will come true..

maybe i didnt want it bad enough..
maybe.. maybe…
there is always a ‘maybe’ for everything..
maybe if you hit the gym more often you can have a higher chance to be selected..
maybe if you go for breast enhancement, you can get better job opportunity
maybe maybe maybe…

silly me.. silly willy..
i want to be optimistic..
take every failure as a learning experience..
embraced every obstacles that come with open arms..
and always believe that everything happens for a reason..
to look and say that a glass is half full.. instead of half empty..
is such a hard thing to do..

bali sounds good..
jakarta sounds good too..
States is calling me…
fly me to the moon…
let me play among the stars…

i need my morphine..
to provide me with the much needed endorphin…
to take away all this pain..
maybe then, it will not hurt so bad
maybe then.. everything will starts to fade

i am HAPPY..

Really happy.. not those make believe kinda happy..

Simple things make me happy..

She knows why i am happy =)

sometimes i wish i can be a lil less foul mouth…
a lot of times i try to restrain myself from spoutin vulgarities,
but at the end of the day i get even more frustrated than before..
i had cut down my swearing by a lot lately.. but still..
i think i have a long long way to go..
i am trying… really hard.. i swear i am..
there was even a period of time, instead of saying ‘fuck you’, i said ‘ copulate you’..
arghhhh….see, i am trying.. really trying but it was driving me insane……
i mean, afterall, i am a girl.. and it is not nice for a girl to spout vulgarities..
foul mouth.. motor mouth.. sigh.. so unladylike..

anyway,today i had a major outburst. well, not exactly major.. but it was bad enough to start my motor mouth engine.
was upset cause of some stuffs.. and as usual.. i started chanting my F sutra…
i rattled for few seconds… fuck this and that.. and after tt, i was fine…
my mom will kill me if she knows tt i am so foul mouth outside the house.
not that she doesnt know that i swear, but then again, i dont do half the things i do outside, when i am at home.
come to think bout it, i did swear in the house once before..
my bratty cousin bite and scratched my arm and i told her to fuck off..
hmm.. actually, it was more like yelling at her to fuck off.
right in the middle of the living room..
my grandmama almost got chocked on her denture, my god ma looked she was about to kill me.
and my mom.. she just look.. well.. she just looked upset..
i guess i did make her really upset.
my mom is really one soft spoken person.
she never raises her voice or hands before..
the most she ever did was… to rub chilli padi all over my mouth this one time,cause i was being such a brat…
i wanted a new dress and i was yelling on top of my lungs.. bwhahahhaha…
other than that, my mom never did anything tt is so extreme to us (her children) tt make us wanna sue her..

sigh.. sometimes i miss being around my family..
the feeling is so different.. 
i have my aunt’s family who is like my second family.. i have my team mates.. who are also like my family..
but i still misses my mom, my dada, my brothers… i so so miss my brothers.. and my sister in law!!!!
she was here a few weeks ago but stayed only for a night and the next day she gotta leave.. shucks!!
i am so lucky to have such a nice sister in law.. she is like, the whackiest person in the whole world..
she is a sister i never have… Oooo.. and i can rattle vulgarities in front of her n she doesnt mind.. she is the most laid back sister in law a person could have..  i wish i can quickly fnish my 3 years bond in singapore and go back to jakarta..

sigh.. i am so random.. as usual.. one minute talkin bout me bein a foul mouth person and the next, i am talkin bout goin home.
bwahahahha… anyway, i sure have to cut down on my swearing.. so UNGLAM… bwahhahha.. such a bimbotic statement..